So umm

I had a mental breakdown. I just suddenly started crying and couldn't stop and I felt so horrible and I actually googled for suicide help. I sent an e-mail to a suicide prevention place but they never replied and I can't call anyone because dad and hank are in the house and could hear me. I don't know what set it off, I was tired and slept, thinking dad would wake me up to go get our gym membership, and take me to the grocery store, but when I woke to hank blasting rap music, he just went on his own, and just forgot, I 'm crying again. I wish I could talk to him about htis but he doesn't believe in depression, when he's depressed like when mom died he just worked through it, he can't understand the concept of just giving up, of curling up and wanting to die. For him its just an extentsion of laziness. When talking about his friend Scott, who has became a hermit, and can't drive to work without panicing and hiding in his basement he said "I just can't understand how someone could do that, if I was in that situation, I would get a second job, I would get up and do something about it. Who can just sit there?"
I feel at a loss of someone to talk to, Suicide prevention hasn't emailed back, I just saw an email notice, but it was just Biggest Loser, who emails hourly. I need someone to talk to, I didn't realized how bad it was or how alone I am.
Hank hates me, and I hate him
Dad wouldn't take me seriously
Neither would Kali
Chibi would be, if I knew her number, Brinda not so much.
I just want to die and suicide prevention hasn't emailed me back and I can't get to a phone and I need to calm down I just don't know what to do, I can't keep doing this, I have so much to do and I just can't get it together why do I keep doikng this it's like I can't function, I'm such a fucking failure I get all the oppurtunities in the world and I can't be bothered to get up and get them and I can't belieive this is happening to me and I don't know why and I feel another crying fit coming on and I don't know what to do I don't I feel all out of options and more than a bit silly, like what do I have to be sad about? What could I do? I feel overdramatic and foolish like in a few minutes I'll get over myself and realize how egotisitcal I'm being, but I can't drive and don't have a job and I feel so trapped in this house and non-independent and helpless and I hate myself for it. Kali just whined and bothered until Dad took her to get a job, and get her permit and her lincenes, obviously I don't want it as much, I just feel so isolated from everything, with not htikng to esacpe to or from and I'm crying again and can't type and I can't remember how to breath.