Maybe too much faith in people?

Why do I tell Kali anything? I rarely do, and now I remember why. I remember why I didn't tell her about this blog. I remember why I don't tell her about my day, or my personal thoughts or wishes.

Because she's a bitch.

"Have you done your homewoooork?"
"Why is it releveant?"
*snorts* You tell me

A reference to my shit grades SIGH

School Tommorrow, that explains it all yes?

Was I here today?

I don't think I was, as I only have vague recollections on what happen today. I assume it was a good day then. I need to exercise.........unless I've already done that too.

It only hurt for a minute

Dad drove us to school today, which was GREAT I didn't want to deal with the bus just yet. I made muffins asnds coffee for breakfast, and had a gronola bar for snack. We've bought a lot of healthy food at the grocery store. We had weigh ins today 4 POUNDS I think, it kep shifting as I stood in different places, but I'm always an optimist. School was okay, no homework except for like US history, and I didn't babysit, which means I should go do it now. I won't but I should. I AM going to exercise though, because that has a purpose and will better my life more than the names of the last 30 something presidents. I know I shouldn't think that way, but I do. I wish I could just test out of this entire thing. So stupid. ANYWAY, I went home and painted my nails, housekeeping that I hadn't had the energy for awhile to do. Then I napped, which was healthy. Had an orange for snack as well!
OH and the president got sworn in today, everyone was making such a deal about it. I was jsut chilling in my Advance Enviromental Science class, reading, while this 'historic' event that happens every 4 years took place. Then it dragged into lunch, but my MP3 was blasting Digital Love and I couldn't care less. I feel so removed from reality most times. I couldn't tell you who the last 5 presidents are. It's all so stupid., I'm so moving to Germany or a farm in rural India or Japan become a Thoreau like hermit. Now, I need to exercise and maybe do a little writing./homework. I'm really liking this story i'm writing it's Horror! I've never even thought of doing horror!

School Tomorrow

After a well-loved 4 day weekend, I'm back in school once again, and the feeling of dread that fills me at this point is scary and weird. I feel like I'm breaking out in a rash, becoming slightly nauseated, and all sad and mopey all at the same time. It makes for a restless, attention-wanting/leave alone feeling that can only be described as a cat in heat, rubby, restless, and easily startled. Only make that an apathetic cat. That would be me. This sounds eeriely like my old friend depression, which wouldn't be a big deal, except that I'm only in January with roughly five months to go, and I'm still juggling Algebra and US History, and English, with its huge paper. It's horrible, and I can't help but to think that I could handle all these heavy loads with grace and maybe even ease if I could beat this horrible mood swings that switch between heavy smothering, wet wool on the face pressing me down into the mattress depression, and the equally inconvient shakey, erratic, dartings like a crazed sword fish fighting its own reflection. I really really need help or for it all to go away. It only happens at school, when I'm working I'm fine, when I"m at home I'm fine. But school, it feels unnessacery and dragging, with nothing to make it worth while, no nice people, no fun classes or subjects, no afterschool activities because I work, it's just a waste of 7 hours a day.

These last four days were heaven. I exercised, I ate well, I CRAVED food, not my mindless grazing or forced vitamin consumption. I felt Hungry, I felt alive. I cleaned my room, I brushed my teeth and showered everyday, I washed the dishes, I started a novel in my new laptop, I burnt CDs I've been meaning to. I talked to friends, I brushed my hair, I wasn't pyscho to unsuspecting people. But as these last four days wind down, I'm settling into my erratic, energy bursts of speed, shaking. I don;'t know what to do with myself, even exercise doesn't do what it use to. Maybe it's time for some harder ones?

Snow Day

It was too cold to go to school on friday, so we have a four day weekend. Which is awesome I've done some exercising, but that's probably counteracted by the sheer amounts of food I'm eating. I didn't know I could still eat that mcuh. Kess has been inside for a few days, took a dump on the carpet I HAD TO PICK UP
God I'm never getting a dog
Ever

I've been writing, it's suppose to be a horror story, but it as of now teeters the line between teen angst and preaching. It's about A fancy boarding school, a genius breeding ground, and the number ones of each subject, is being stalked and killed by the number twos. When the police get involved and arrest the number 2s, there is a nother murder, indicating that the 3,4,5s and maybe even some of the teachers are in on it. The reclusion of the school sets up for an all out bloodbath as everyone finally cracks under pressure.

I might do a ghost novel sequal, for Nano.

God I hate my family sometimes

Still going strong in school, that's not the problem...yet. Though my english essay is going to probably drive my teacher nuts, I'm enjoying it. I know it's going to be the Antropolgy field, but I'm not sure what aspect yet, I want to do mythology, but i'm not sure what the question would be, or what I would be comparing, it's strange, for sure. Not to mention the horridness that is noodletools that has resurfaced to FUCK ME OVER

Kali is being OBNOXIOUS again, she's always mildly obnoxious, but today she was just extra bitchy. Waking me up, by jumping on my bed, tickling me, rolling over on me, hitting me. All while giggling and talking in her FUCKING BABY VOICE. I mean, when someone runs in jumps on your bed and runs away I can see the humor in it, you can go to back to sleep afterward. But continueing it, for 10 minutes, even after the person has yelled
"Go away.........stop it...........get off Kali GET OFF KALI GET THE FUCK OFF GO AWAY. It's not cute It's just fucking not.
She's done this about 4 times today, all while I was trying to chill in my room. Then she kept walking in my room because "She was booooooored" I went downstairs to do an exercise tape, she stood there, simply because she knows that I absolutely hate people watching me exercise. The conversation followed as such:

"What do you want?"
"Nothing, just watching"
"Well then go away"
"No No! Wait I've always wanted to do this why some f--*breaks off*" I know what she's going to say, but she's already darted off to the kitchen, and came back with a bag of chips to sit and watch me, because she knew it bothered me. I ignored her, feeling it was the best way to get rid of her. Finally she said, "Okay, I'm bored with this" and walked off" Mention that I should do the dishes because she had a date that night.

Hank's also being annoying, leaving all day only to come back and inform me his friends are staying the night. GOD I HATE THIS FAMILY
*fumes*

GO ME

I've been dieting/exercising all week! Go me! and I've kept up with my homework, granted this is only the third dya in, but I've given in im a much shorter timespan. So its semi-hopeful. Even math, I've been dozing in her class, but now I've actually dedicated myself in learning math. She's also pregnant, poor fetus. Orchestra is going okay, I'm staying in for practice during lunch now, because I don't like the lunch I'm in, even if it does have Brinda in it. She's so...un-Brinda like when she's with other people. An oldschool rundown seems to needed:
--Morning: made coffee, ate cereal, and Kali drove to school it's fun.
--First Period: Web page design, I helped this one guy cheat on his assignment, god that class is so fucking stupid
--Second Period: Orchestra, I borrowed Lynn's dress for orchestra pictures, we're the same size, which is cool, I didn't know we're the same size, I thought I was the only 20 girl, it makes me warm.
--Third Period: Math, I KEPT FALLING ASLEEP! I couldn't keep my eyes open, I just kept nodding off, it was embarrassing/funny, I wasn't called out on it though.
--Fourth Period: US History I'VE EVEN DONE THE CROSSWORD! GO FUCKING ME, TAKE THAT OH YEE OF LITTLE FAITH
--Fifth Period: Mr. Leonard is starting to get creepier, and we have notecards now, he's gone down a couple notches on my 'To Not Killed' list
--Six Period: German, still sweet, and nice. It seems like it'll get harder though. Now that it's in the 6th slot, everyone is ansty, we haven't gotten much done.
--Seventh Period: English, still hate her, but I'm looking forward to the essay.
After School:
Babysitting, they all slept, and I'm getting a pay raise! I said no at first, but i'll give in. I just didn't want to seem like an ass about it. The kids slept most of the time, which was good. And Kali cooked dinner, Dad's not home, union meeting, and I'm going to exercise here in a minute.
It'll be fun

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL FIRST DA--god someone shoot me

God I hate that place, one day I'll be free of it. It's just so fucking horrible, it's like being in a mall on the Saturday two weeks before Christmas, the halls are crowded, even the rooms are claustrophobic, and I just seem disportionate to the world around me, like Alice when she ate the cake (or drank the bottle?). I feel oddly depressed today as oppose to the happy go lucky girl I've been all break, school is the source of this I know. When I had the girls over this weekend, new years, for once I wasn't wishing they'd all leave, and I know it's because of my diet, the better foods didn't have me running to the restroom all the time, and I had more energy and just wanted to curl in a ball in sleep. The diet has diluted my depression, I'm healthier, and I'm losing weight and I know it's making me feel better, but school is my last obstacle, I don't know specifically what's making me hate it. It's a combination I supppose of things I hate: Large Crowds, Loud people, Superiority complex afflicted people, (teachers), work that only bores me. I can't stand to be treated like one in a heard of cattle, and I just have a feeling we're being herded into the slaughter, but no one seems to notice but me--it's something out of a 50/60 sci-fii novel, almost orwell. I haven't exercised yet, and i fell off my diet soon as i came home from school, stress eating mostly. I should of burned some CDs, and had a mini dance party, instead I went home, binged ate and fell asleep, I can be such a fuck up sometimes. But the day is not over yet (I still have a half hour) and I'm in the mood for some sit ups.

Back in the Game (hopefully)
Kelsey

PS: I don't htink burchfield has faith in me, little shit <3